Discover who you really are

If you have ever wanted to experience for yourself a moment of genuine spiritual awakening, or if you simply want to know who you truly are, then an Enlightenment Intensive could be for you.
Enlightenment Intensives are residential group retreats with a single aim: to help you find the answer to life’s great questions such as “Who am I?” and “What is life?”
Not an answer in the form of words or ideas, however, but a direct experience of who you are, of the very essence of your being — that which some call True Nature, or simply Truth.
In short, an experience of enlightenment. In just three days.

I went in being me but not knowing it. I came out being me and knowing it. It was this that changed my life.

Sandy (EI participant)

What does enlightenment mean?

I know that finding enlightenment on one short retreat sounds pretty far-fetched. But this is largely because the word itself is not well defined.
To many, enlightenment refers to nothing less than the Buddha’s final, permanent state of absolute freedom and perfection, “liberation from the wheel of death and rebirth” — something unimaginable to most ordinary mortals. To others, it can conjure up images of extraordinary saints, or gurus endowed with supernatural powers.
Less well known, perhaps, but a lot more common the whole world over, is an experience known as “sudden enlightenment”.
This is a kind of momentary inner awakening to what is ultimate Truth. It involves a simple yet radical shift in consciousness, an experience that is far different from normal perceptions, thoughts and emotions. It is a timeless moment in which you suddenly, spontaneously, awaken to the absolute essence of self or life or reality.

I laughed with sheer joy at the’rightness’ of it… No doubt you know the jubilantly satisfying ‘click’ one experiences when one finds the solution to, for instance, a complicated mathematical problem. Well, the experience I had was of a similar kind but carried to the ultimate. A king-size, super-hyper-Click!!! And with the feeling that I had ‘come home’. It included the blissful awareness of unity, of being in all, and all being in me.

(from The Relevance of Bliss by Nona Coxhead)

In Zen, this sudden awakening experience is known as or kensho or satori. In the West, we also refer to it as illumination, the unitive experience, mystical union, self-realisation and so on.
It is simply a moment of true inner knowing; a discovery of ultimate Truth … not by reading about it, not by listening to people who teach about it … but by finding it for yourself, within yourself, by direct experience.

Many modern accounts, as well as spiritual traditions, describe how very ordinary people have stumbled upon just such an experience, almost by accident. What people experience in these moments of illumination is both universal and, paradoxically, unique to each person.
Common descriptions include:

• A profound sense of having “come home”
• An awe and reverence for life
• Unparalleled joy, fulfilment, gratitude
• Quiet certainty
• A deep sense of Love

For many people, knowing who and what they are brings a deep sense of relief and peace. Other people are surprised at the obviousness of it all, or amazed, or laugh hysterically at the cosmic joke involved. Some experience feelings of bliss; some a release of joy and energy that had been held back for years. It is not uncommon for people to recognise that this is what they always wanted but did not realise until they experienced it.

With the dropping away of the hope or desire to get it right, I caught a glimpse of something new; I sank into a direct if brief experience of who – or perhaps more accurately what – I am. It took my breath away. It moved through my body like fire and left me laughing with the sheer delight of being.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer (spiritual teacher, describing her experience on an EI)

But above all, enlightenment gives the most profound insight into reality, a sense of knowing and of oneness that is absolute … and hard to do justice with mere words!

6 Traits Of People Who Live Peaceful Lives (They Might Surprise You)

 

1. Let Go Of The Ego And Just Be Yourself

“Take time to be an impartial observer of life particularly when an ending is causing despair.” Lao Tzu

2. Learn From Masters

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein

3. Bring Awareness To Your Life 

“The unaware life is not worth living.” -Socrates

4. Realize That We All Experience Conditioning Of Some Kind

“The only source of knowledge is experience” Albert Einstein

5. Understand You Create Your Own Experiences 

“Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him.” Aldous Leonard Huxley

6. How Do You Live Your Life – Through Fear Or Love? 

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” Buddha

 

How to Avoid People You Dislike?

 Steps

1.Plan so that you won't see them. Avoid the places they're likely to go to. Try not to attend events you'll know they'll be attending, or stagger your activities so that you're present at different times. If you don't see them often to begin with, you won't have to spend as much effort trying to avoid them. 

 

2.Keep on the move when they show up. Try not to hang around them for too long. When they walk up to you and start a conversation, make an excuse such as "I have to use the restroom" and walk away from them. Don't look back as you walk off.

 

3.Do not make eye contact with the person. This isn't the most subtle approach, but if they feel you are ignoring them they will likely follow suit and not interact with you. 

4.Dodge their calls and texts if needed. When they call you, ignore them. And if they ask why you didn't answer, say you were working or asleep. 

 

5.Ignore them more bluntly, if they're actually rude or aggressive. This can be extreme, but ignoring them is often better than making a scene or starting a big, aggressive argument. If they say things to you that are rude or aggressive, just ignore them and walk away. 

 

 

Can You Change Other People?

Chances are, you have people in your life whose behavior you wish would change. Your romantic partner might be putting on a little weight. Your parents may complain too much. Your best friend won’t look for a new job, even though she hates the job she has now.

 Once you notice these annoyances, it is natural to want to push people to change. Is it actually possible to change someone else’s behavior? Should you even try?
It turns out that you can help people to change their behavior, but there is a limited amount you can do without their help. That is, there is some validity to the old

psychology joke:

Q. How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
The best way to help other people change is to learn about how to change your own behavior. The more you know about the factors that drive your own behavior, the better you can use the same principles to help other people change.

MORE: If Your Partner Changed, Would You Be Happier?

For example, human beings are a remarkably social species. We are wired to adopt the goals of the people around us. That means that there is something deeply right in Mahatma Ghandi’s exhortation to be the change you want to see in the world. (The original quote was, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change.” Truly fitting.) When you act in the way you want others to behave, you are helping the people around you to unconsciously adopt the goals you are pursuing.
People are also strongly driven by their environment. We generally do things that are easy to achieve and avoid things that are hard. That means that you can help people to change by removing temptations from their environment and replacing those temptations with items that promote desired goals. Many cities have taken this proposal to heart and have instituted bike-sharing programs that make it easy for people to leave their cars behind and to pedal from once place to another.

Unfortunately, there are limits to what you can change about another person without their cooperation. Unless someone is willing to really commit to a new goal and make plans that will help them achieve that goal and turn it into a habit, that individual is unlikely to make lasting changes in her life.

And that leads to the question of whether you should try to affect other people’s behavior.
The answer there is more complicated.

I am a big fan of communication. If you think that it is important for someone in your life to make a change, then talk about it. Do not try lots of indirect ways to get them to change. Most people quickly become aware of your attempts to influence what they do (and may reject or resent them). So, don’t assume you are being clever by hiding the Ben & Jerry’s or suggesting lots of early morning walks on the jogging path.

Can friends become lovers

Can friends become lovers?
Can someone love his friend even though he didn't use to love him in the beginning?
In fact, one of the best ways ever to make someone fall in love with you is to become friends with him first. Before i tell you why friends can become lovers you first need to know that people in fall when they find a person who has a similar or a higher total score than them.
A total score is the value a person gives to someone else which determines whether he can be a potential partner or not.

I have said earlier that each person calculates this total score differently based on his own values, background and past experiences
So what does this has to do with lovers becoming friends?

Love vs friendship

Close friends are the ones who have high enough total score to become friends but who don't have the total score that allows them to become potential partners.
This means that if you became friends with someone then you are already half way to make him love you.
Certainly friends can become lovers and in fact the best way to make someone fall in love with you is to become friends with him first without showing any intentions.

By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc

How to Find Your Soul Mate and Why You Should Stop Looking

How to Find Your Soul Mate and Why You Should Stop Looking

Some of you have this idea that your soul mate will save you from your own unhappiness. Some of you have this idea that you can magically manifest your ideal relationship through the use of vision boards, positive affirmations, and detailed lists of traits you look for in a partner. Some of you will get exactly what you ask for- which would be affirmation and reinforcements of your beliefs. If you believe your soulmate will make you forget your own unhappiness- you will....temporarily. If you believe your ideal partner will share a blissful, wonderful, balanced, conscious relationship with you, you will....temporarily.

The whole point of this article is to illustrate the flaws and incoherent ideas regarding the search for the soulmate. I am not a cynic, but I do believe that if you are fervently searching for a soulmate- you have personal aspects that need tending to first and foremost.

Your Soul Mate Will Not Complete You
Nobody in this world will truly

complete

you because you are already complete by yourself. You do not need anyone to make up for that which you lack. Those lacks are illusory and caused by false beliefs and ego-based identifications. Opposites attract but they do not coexist for long because like resonates with like. Drop the belief that somebody will save you from yourself or from your own situations. Your salvation and development and self exploration and self healing is your responsibility.


You Want A Perfectly Tailored Life Companion
Your list of traits you want in a soulmate reads like an heiress's specialty coffee order during her midweek juice cleanse. You expect your partner to fit your life perfectly like a glove. You expect your soulmate to psychically understand how and why you want to be treated the way you do. You expect your soulmate to basically be made for you. Is another really created for the purpose of another? This is codependence at its subtlest.
By expecting your partner to act and be a certain way, you destroy many opportunities for the growth, acceptance, and unconditional love that the entire concept of soulmates and true love perpetuate from.

You Need That Special Someone to Complete Your Life
You expect that once your soulmate enters your life, a torrent of bliss and heavenly euphoria will flood your life and will continue to fuel your existence throughout the extent of your time together. Placing such a high hope on a future condition means you are not content with your present. If you direly want a soulmate for this reason, you must learn how to exist in solitude and be happy alone. You must allow yourself to explore solitude and your true self in the absence of others. If you depend on another to bring you to a state of happiness, you are not truly ready to accept and experience that state of happiness because you have not allowed yourself to access it from within.

You Want That Someone Who Will Catapult You Into A Torrent of Spiritual Growth
If you depend on another to learn about accepting reality and loving yourself, you will be severely disappointed. Although it is very true that in intimate relationships, there are many opportunities to accept
another being just as they are and to practice unconditional love. You can do this anytime with yourself or with anyone you encounter. You don't need someone to become close to you to practice this.

What Is A Soulmate?
Well, if a soulmate isn't merely someone who will be tailor fit to your life, if a soulmate isn't someone made to make you feel complete, and if a soulmate is someone who wasn't brought into existence for the sake of your spiritual exploration, what is a soulmate?
If you believe in fate and destiny, you may believe that there are soul's pre-arranged to be together because they may learn lessons together. I personally do not like to believe this, at least entirely. You can learn those lessons with them, or you can live presently so that your need to go through such lessons is lessened and you reduce the intensity of your momentum towards those conditions.

On Earth, we have personalities and natural affinities that do exist. We can accept these natural affinities without over-identifying with them and limiting our understanding of ourselves and others. Our natural affinities are sometimes changeable and sometimes very stubborn. Due to these natural affinities, we are attracted to certain types of people. This attraction speaks to abundantly and subconsciously. Biologically, we are attracted to those who possess genes we would like to pass on to our own children. Emotionally, we are attracted to those who possess the capacity to stimulate/handle/accept our emotions, depending on the person and the extent of their self realization. Spiritually, we're attracted to those who can share the same beliefs as us and practice the same rituals or devotion, or introduce us to beliefs we feel we would do best to take up. These attractions are conditional- what if the other changes? We are not attracted to them as much as before. Still, do we love them? 

The sun does not choose where to shine, but the Earth takes up certain shapes and timings that cause the sunlight to shine more brightly and warmly in some places than others. Still, are you going to take the role as the sun radiating unconditional light, or are you going to be the technicalities and physicality of the Earth that dictate the flow of sunlight?

Unconditional love does not mean you will bend over backwards for everyone, become a saint, or never react to a situation. Unconditional love means that you see the infinite truth in others. Unconditional love is seeing others clearly without making their actions/words about you. Unconditional love is allowing awareness and grace to fill your existence in solitude that you bubble up and wish to express and spread such a wonderful gift- whether it be through a reverent glance, a kind word, a gentle touch, or a receptive ear. It is not demanding of others what you are fully capable of giving to yourself, and it is not giving in to others' similar demands of you. You just love because you have broken through your false barriers and illusory perceptions of the world and the energy of love just flows through you and fills you.

So if you are actively seeking out your soul-mate, try learning and attending to your own soul instead.

How to Go an Extra Mile for Her  

Edited by Crazysailor, Krystle, Fianchetto, Mithy

It is never easy to keep a relationship with a girl. No matter how much she loves you she will soon get bored with the daily routine. So take some simple steps to prevent that catastrophic event.

1.Write down a list of ideas that worked with those other girls. Keep an eye on new ideas and put them on the list right away. 

2.Never forget that every idea works only three times. First time it is a WOW. Second time it is just nice and the third time is as much as she can take.

3.Every time she gives you that "what else is new" look grab your secret list right away.

4.Know her preferences. It is not a very good idea to take a girl who is scared stiff of the heights to a skiing resort.

5.Never put her down for being weak or slow, etc. That kind of attitude will ruin your relationship pretty soon

6.Always treat her like a queen but never forget that you are the prime-minister she expects you to be. And it is common knowledge that prime-ministers make all the decisions.

You are what you listen to, says new study of music lovers

Think twice before proudly showing off your iPod playlist. Your choice of music may mark you out as boring, dim and unattractive, according to new research from the University of Cambridge. 

The study found that we make assumptions about someone’s personality, values, social class and ethnicity based on their musical preferences.

Classical buffs are seen as ugly and boring, while rock lovers are regarded as emotionally unstable and pop fans are considered to be rather dim.

Perusing a person’s iPod playlist can “reinforce stereotypes and, potentially, social prejudices”, said Dr Jason Rentfrow, who led the research at the university’s Department of Social and Developmental Psychology.

“This research suggests that, even though our assumptions may not be accurate, we get a very strong impression about someone when we ask them what music they like.”

Subjects in the study were asked to ponder six musical genres: rock, pop, classical, jazz, rap and electronica.

Jazz fans elicited the most positive response as they were considered to be imaginative, peace-loving liberals with friendly and outgoing natures. Classical buffs are perceived as quiet, friendly, responsible and intelligent but also unathletic, physically unattractive and dull.
Those with a preference for rock songs are deemed to be “natural rebels”, thoroughly irresponsible and emotionally unstable, while pop fans are seen as conventional and calm but lacking in intelligence and wisdom.
Rap aficionados are viewed as athletic and self-respecting but disorganised and “more hostile” than other music fans. Lovers of electronica are “a bit neurotic”.

 

How to Decide if Your Friend is a True Friend

 Part 1 of 3: Notice what your friend says

 1.See if your friend makes supportive comments. A true friend should make you feel needed,       confident, and better about being alive. If your friend is always putting you down or making you feel worthless and never give you a kind word when you need it, then that friend is not true blue. If you want to  know if your friend is a good friend, see if they make comments that encourage you.

• 2.See if your friend listens to you. If your friend is a true friend, then she should take the time to listen to what you have to say. In a true friendship, both people should be sharing their thoughts and getting feedback. If you find that your friend is always talking about his problems, but is bored or distracted as soon as it's time for you to share yours, then you may have a false friend on your hands. 

 

                                                                                                                                                                    3.See if your friend communicates with you. Communication is key in any relationship, especially a friendship. If you and your friend are on the same page, then you should be open about your thoughts and feelings and maintain a level of honest and open dialogue.

• 
  4.See if your friend loves to gossip a little too much. If your so-called friend is a big gossip, then it's likely that your friend is gossiping about you when you're not around. Though everyone loves some juicy gossip occasionally, if you feel like your friend is always gossiping about someone or talking trash, then chances are, your "friend" will do the same as soon as your back is turned.
   

  Part 2 of 3: Notice what your friend does

  1.See if your friend makes time for you. A true friend will make time for you no matter what. Though life is hectic and it's hard to have enough time to sleep and eat, let alone socialize, a true friend will always make time for you, especially if you need it.

  2.See if your friend makes time for you. A true friend will make time for you no matter what. Though life is hectic and it's hard to have enough time to sleep and eat, let alone socialize, a true friend will always make time for you, especially if you need it.

  3.See if your friend sticks to his word. A flake is not a friend. If your friend never seems to do what he says he'll do, leaves you stranded, or forgets about plans you've made, then you have a flake on your hands. Though it's okay to waver occasionally, if your friend never seems to do what he says he'll do, then he doesn't value your time or company.

  4.See if your friend might have other reasons for being your friend. This soul-searching is particularly hard to do, but it's important. Take the time to reflect on why your friend might want to hang out with you other than just because he values you as a person and enjoys your friendship. Here are some classic reasons why a fake friend might latch on to you.

  
  

  Part 3 of 3: Notice how your friend makes you feel

  

   

  1.See if your friend makes you feel good about yourself. Your friend should be there for you no matter what, and should therefore make you feel better about who you are and the decisions you make. Your friend doesn't have to agree when everything you've done, but your friendship should make you feel good about who you are as a person overall. 

  2.See if your friend makes you feel valuable. If being involved in a friendship with your "friend" makes you feel uncertain of your importance in your friend's life, then you have a problem. While a friend shouldn't coddle you with lies, a true friend should always make you feel needed, important, and even indispensable. 

  3.See if your friend makes you feel happy to be hanging out. This is an important one. Friendship is about making you feel less alone and to enjoy life even more, and it shouldn't make you feel less excited about the world. If you're actually less happy hanging out with your friend than you are when you're alone, then you have a problem.  

  4.Follow your instincts. If you have a feeling that your "friend" isn't acting as such, that you listen to what they say but when you start talking they don't seem to care, then maybe it's time to move on. Even if you've known them for years, maybe it's time to take a break and take a step back to think about what you want to do. Always listen to yourself, because your instincts about a relationship are usually right. 

   

   

 

 

  

12 signs your falling in love

12. You'll read his/her txts over and over again...

11. You'll walk really really slow while you're with him/her...

10. You'll pretend 2 be shy whenever you're with him/her...

9. While thinking bout him/her...your heart will beat faster and faster...

8. By listening to his/her voice...you'll smile for no reason.

7. While looking at him/her..you cant see the other people around you...you can only see that person...

6. You'll start listening to SLOW songs.

5. He/She becomes all you think about

4. You'll get high just by their smell...

3. You'll realize that you're always smiling to yourself when you think about them..

2. You'll do anything for him/her...

1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time.....

Eleven Hints for Life

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

How to Stop Thinking of Something or Someone

Edited by Juelle Bembry, Katrina, General Jackson, Lillian May and 24 others

You can't get an embarrassing moment or a cute barista off of your mind. These kinds of thoughts are common, but if they're proving to be too distracting, there are steps you can take to rid yourself of unwanted thoughts. Start by putting your full attention on this article.

Method 1 of 3: Using Your Brain
 

1.Practice acceptance. If you've tried just not thinking about someone or something, you know it's not really possible--if it were that easy, you wouldn't be reading this article. In fact, research has found that it is better to accept your unwanted thoughts rather than to push them away. In one study, participants who practiced acceptance were less obsessive, had lower levels of depression and were less anxious than those who tried thought suppression.

 

2. Use focused distraction. You may have already tried distracting yourself to get the thoughts you want to avoid out of your head, but have you tried focused distraction? Studies suggest it is better to distract yourself with just one thing rather than jumping from one thing to another trying to divert your attention from unwanted thoughts. Aimless mind-wandering is associated with unhappiness, so choose a specific task, book or piece of music to concentrate on and give it your full attention. 

3.Throw them out. In a study published in the journal Psychological Science, researchers found that when people wrote down their thoughts on a piece of paper and then threw the paper away, they mentally discarded the thoughts as well. 

 4.Check for a lesson. If you're having obsessive thoughts because of a mistake you've made and you keep mentally re-living the error, try treating the situation as a lesson. Ask yourself what the lesson is and what you can learn from your mistake. Try summing it up in just one sentence or less and write it down.

Method 2 of 3: Keeping Busy

 

 

1. Get active. Engaging in a sport that requires you to focus on your body and/or eye-hand coordination is a good way to clear your head. Plus, exercise brings the added benefit of producing the brain's feel-good neurotransmitters, endorphins, which will improve your mood. 
2.   Do something mentally strenuous. Challenge yourself mentally by completing a Sudoko or crossword puzzle, solving complicated math problems or following a complex set of instructions to complete a project. The mental focus it will take to do these kinds of activities will leave you with no time or mental energy to think your unwanted thoughts. 
3. 
   
   
   3.Laugh. Laughter can take your mind off worries. When we laugh, our brain is engaged--it's instructing our body to make a series of gestures and sound. Laughing helps reduce stress, so if your recurring thoughts are causing you anxiety, laughter really is good medicine. Hang out with friends who simply crack you up, rent a funny movie or try a laughter yoga class. You can even find therapists who specialize in "laughter therapy," which teaches people how to openly laugh at things that aren't usually funny and to use humor to cope with difficult situations.                                                              4.Talk it out. Often the best way to get a thought out of your head is to share it with someone else. Turn to a friend or family member who's a good listener and tell them what's on your mind. If you feel as though your difficulty in dealing with your unwanted thoughts is more than a friend can help with, turn to a professional therapist or counselor who can work with you.

Method 3 of 3: Engaging in Thought Stopping

1. 1.Write your thought(s) down. Your thoughts are distracting you from your daily activities and causing you unhappiness, anxiety or worry, so the first thing you must do is put them on paper. Write down all your upsetting thoughts in order of the most stressful to the least stressful.
   2.Imagine the thought. Sit or lie down in a private place. Close your eyes. Imagine a situation in which you might have this stressful thought.
2. 
   
   3.Stop the thought. Set a timer, watch or other alarm for three minutes. Then focus on your unwanted thought. When the timer or alarm goes off, shout "Stop!" That's your cue to empty your mind of all thoughts and try to keep it empty for about 30 seconds. If the upsetting thought comes back during that time, shout "Stop!" again.                                                                          4.Practice. Repeat this exercise until the thought goes away on command. Then try the exercise again and interrupt the thought by saying "Stop" in a normal voice rather than a shout. Once your normal voice is able to stop the thought, try whispering "Stop." Over time, you can just imagine hearing "Stop" inside your mind. At this point, you should be able to stop the thought whenever and wherever it occurs. Once you've achieved that level of control, choose the next thought on your list and continue thought-stopping.
    

What does it mean to really love someone?

Love is a Choice

Do you ever wonder what it means to really love someone? We’re bombarded today with movies and videos and romance novels that give us a false image of what it means to love. If you think about it, most secular songs and movies all say the same thing in different ways: love is an ooey-gooey feeling at that moment when two people stare into each other’s eyes and they feel like they’re “in love.” 

But this is not love. It’s called infatuation. Although infatuation is a natural and even beneficial response to attraction, it should never be mistaken for love because it won’t sustain us. Love is more than a feeling. 

Our model for what loving someone should look like is found in God’s Word, which teaches us that true love is commitment. It is about sacrifice and it is also about choice.  

 Now, here’s a game-changer idea. Are you ready to improve your relationship? Ask yourself what are the top two ways that your partner really feels loved. Is it when you perform an act of service, like doing the dishes or running an errand, or is it when you show them affection, or give him or her a gift? Or is it when you give a word of affirmation? If you don’t know, ask your partner to tell you. Next, write those two things down and then choose to do one of them every single for seven days. It’ll rock your world and rock your

relationship.

7 Negative People You Need to Ignore

You can’t live a positive life around negative people.

Sadly, some people are so entrenched in seeing the negative side of things that they leave zero room for positive things to grow.  People like this inhabit our families, work environments and social circles.  It can be emotionally draining just being around them, and you must be careful because their negative attitudes and opinions are venomous and contagious.  Negativity perpetuates itself, breeds dissatisfaction and clutters the mind.  And when the mind is cluttered with negativity, happiness is hard to come by.
Ignore these people and move on from them when you must.  Seriously, be strong and know when enough is enough!  Letting go of negative people doesn’t mean you hate them, or that you wish them harm; it just means you care about your own well-being.  Because every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive.
Here are seven such people you might need to put on your ignore list:

1.  The hopelessly hostile drama queen.

Some people love to stir up controversy and drama for no apparent reason.  Don’t buy in to their propaganda.  Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.
Don’t spew hostile words at someone who spews them at you.  Keep your composure and replace the stink of confrontation with the fragrance of resolution.  The louder the opposition wants to yell, and the more drama they want to stir, the calmer and more confidently you need to think and speak.  Don’t let them get to you.

2.  The person you have failed to please a hundred times before.

Some people are impossible to please; you will not be able to break through to them no matter what you do.  Accept this harsh as a fact of life.
Throughout your lifetime some people will discredit you, disrespect you and treat you poorly for no apparent reason at all.  Don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval.  And don’t make any space in your heart to hate them.  Simply walk away and let karma deal with the things they do, because any bit of time you spend on them will be wasted, and any bit of hate and aggravation in your heart will only hurt you.  

3.  The naysayer who always dumps on your dreams.

Stop giving credit to those who discredit your dreams.  These people are punishing your potential by slowly extinguishing your inner flame with their watered down vision of what you are capable of achieving.
If you give in and let their negativity convince you of who you are, their madness will wither you away.  You will morph into who they say you are, rather than living honestly as yourself.  In this way, these people will steal your life from you.  You will lose track of where their opinion ends and your reality begins.  Their fiction will become your life’s story.
What you’re capable of is not a function of what others think is possible for you.  So look beyond their presumptions and mental limitations, and connect with your own best vision of what YOU are capable of and how YOUR life can be.  Life, after all, is an open-ended journey, and 99% what you achieve comes directly from what you work to achieve on a daily basis.

4.  The manipulator.

Beware of manipulators, or bullies, who try to use their negativity to intimidate and manipulate your thoughts.  If you observe them from a distance, you will realize that these people are often overly self-referential.  In other words, the people around them (YOU) fit into their plan simply based on how they can be used or manipulated for their own personal gain.
These people routinely prioritize their own feelings and needs over and above everyone else’s.  They will demand that you bend over to help them, but if, heaven forbid, you need help, they will not be able to stand it.

5.  The stubborn one who insists you should be someone else.

In the long run, it’s always better to be disrespected for who you are than respected for who you are not.  In fact, the only relationships that work well are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.
Unfortunately, families and old friends often fail to recognize how you’ve changed and grown over the years.  They also tend to label you in an unfair way based on who you used to be; and it’s easy to end up conforming to these labels because you remember when they were true.  For example, “Oh, Marc always has his head in the clouds,” or “Angel never could focus on anything for very long.”
What’s important to remember is that you’re the only person in the world who knows what’s happening inside your head right now.  People who don’t know you well may assume you’re someone else entirely.  And people who think they know you well may have pigeonholed you – but you know there’s more to you than what they see.
 

6.  The unforgiving friend who refuses to forgive you for your mistakes.

The most honorable thing is not to never make mistakes, but to admit to them when you do make them, and then to follow through and do your best to make the wrong things right.
Mistakes are part of growing.  They are a natural part of every worthwhile endeavor.
If someone refuses to support you as you grow beyond your past mistakes, they are now the one that’s making a mistake.  Holding on to the unchangeable past is a waste of energy and serves no purpose in creating a better day today.  If someone continuously judges you by your past, holds it against you, and refuses to forgive you, you might have to repair your present and future by leaving them behind.

7.  The inner critic.

Boom!  Wake-up call!  Yes, sadly, the inner critic is inside YOU.
Unrelenting self-criticism often goes hand in hand with unhappiness and anxiety, and it’s completely unjustified.  There is no reason to be your own biggest critic – to harp on yourself for your shortcomings.  All you really need is the courage to be yourself.  Your real value is rooted in who you are, not who you aren’t.
The flaws you often see in yourself are only the qualities of your own individuality.  There is something unique and special about you.  You are different.  You will never be as good as someone else, and they will never be as good as you.  Just as no two snowflakes are alike, your fingerprints are different from every other being on Earth.  You are meant to be different.  You are here to express who you are and enjoy what you have at this very moment.  When you accept this, there is no reason to compare yourself to someone or something you aren’t.  There is nothing for the inner critic to complain about.

Afterthoughts

When people undermine your dreams, predict your doom, criticize you, and generally resist the truth about who you are, remember, they’re telling you their own sad story, not yours.  They’re dumping their own doubts into the air.  Ignore them.
If the person doing this is you (your inner critic), try giving up all the thoughts and contemplations that make you feel bad, or even just some of them, for the rest of the day.  See how doing that changes your life.  You don’t need these negative thoughts.  All they have ever given you is a false self that suffers for no reason.

How to Detect a Bad Friendship ?

by Kristen Moutria, Demand Media

Fulfilling friendships can be an inspiration and a source of strength during difficult times. You share your heart and become vulnerable with those you trust and, in turn, you gain a sense of being loved and understood. The Mayo Clinic reports that good friendships can help reduce your stress, improve your sense of self-worth, help you cope with trauma and encourage you to change unhealthy habits. But what can you do when a particular friend always leaves you feeling drained? You might want to step back and see if you recognize the signs of a bad friendship.

Step 1

 Ask yourself if you feel true to who you are when you are around your friend. Do you like the way you are behaving, or do you feel out of place? Dr. Andrea Bonior reports  that if you are experiencing feelings of aggression, resentment, envy or competitiveness, and you do not feel these things around your other friends, it may be time to move on. These feelings signify that there is not a healthy foundation to your relationship.

Step 2

 Take note of the way you talk about yourself when you are with your friend. In a 2010 article in "Glamour," Sarah Jio shares her experience with a friend who compelled her to brag about herself. Jio came to the conclusion that this particular friend made her feel inferior, and that Jio tried to make up for her lack of confidence by constantly drawing attention back to herself. A real friend will not make you feel incompetent; if you feel the need to brag in front of your friend, you may not have a healthy relationship.

Step 3

 Analyze your relationships with other friends. Does this particular friend keep you from spending time with others? If so, you may need to cut ties with him. Dr. Ramani Durvasula states that one sign of an unhealthy friendship is isolation from other people who are important to you. One friend who demands all your time and energy may be manipulating you into focusing your attention on him, instead of having balance in your life and spending time with a variety of people.

Step 4

 Determine if you feel misunderstood.Dr. Bonior explains that the signs of feeling unaccepted by a friend include censoring yourself around her or experiencing embarrassment for something you have no need to feel bad about. Bonior points out that this is the opposite of unconditional love, and not a good foundation for a healthy friendship. Instead of remaining friends with the person who makes you feel this way, try to find a friend who believes in kindness and respect and will give you the love and attention you deserve.

5 Personal Traits That Will Impress Him And Capture His Heart

 If you’re completely crazy about a man you likely want to know how to capture his heart. Men can be something of a puzzle to women particularly if they don’t know exactly how to appeal to his heart. Men aren’t nearly as complex as you may think and there are certain things that any woman can do that will make her utterly irresistible. If you want to get your man to love you more, you need to learn how to sweep him off his feet so he can’t ever imagine loving anyone but you.

1. Be yourself, not who you think he wants you to be.

Understanding how to capture his heart starts with recognizing that in his eyes, you need to be completely different than any other woman he’s been with. Most of us resort to the same old tired tactics when it comes to trying to get a man to adore us. We think we need to cater to his every whim. We’ll cancel plans just to see him and we’ll change our opinion on important matters just to align with what he believes. These things are not going to get you the man you want. Instead he’ll label you as weak and non-original.
If you’ve already made plans for a girl’s night out or your best friend’s birthday party, don’t pretend you’re sick and cancel just so that you can be with him because he called last minute asking to see you.  Not only will you be a crappy friend/sister/daughter/etc., but sooner or later, he will find out that you drop people who are important to you simply so that you can spend time with him. It’s very likely that he won’t think it’s as cute as you do.  It’s actually quite self-centred and disrespectful to those who care about you.  Is this really the message that you want to convey to him?

2.  Find your voice and use it.

No man of any value wants a “yes-girl”.  When he asks where you want to go on your dinner date, tell him.  If he asks your opinion on his impending career change, tell him your honest thoughts.  You do have preferences and an opinion, don’t you?  Make those things known.  Men love women who are strong and self confident. He wants you to share your own opinion, one that isn’t colored by his.  The key is to be yourself and embrace that woman. Don’t change to please a man because if you do the relationship will be short-lived and you’ll end up unhappy and alone.

3. Embrace your independence.

I’m sure you’ve heard that strong men like an independent woman, and that is actually very true.  I know that a lot of you ladies reading this right now are shaking your heads thinking that you are independent and that only seems to threaten men and push them away more.
David Medez of The Bottom Line addresses this very issue by stating that, “Based on my experiences, women tend to think that men are intimidated by someone who is non-submissive, straightforward and fits various other adjectives that are not compatible with traditional gender roles. While some men can be off put by the overly aggressive type, women should be not afraid to assert their independence.”
The bottom line is this: independence in a woman is attractive to a man who values a woman for who she is, and not just for what she can provide for him.  It is true that some men will just want you to agree with their opinions and viewpoints, but ask yourself why that is.  Is this not the man who is actually threatened and lacks self-esteem?  A man who wants their relationship to be a true partnership, wants and needs an actual partner, so be one.  This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything he says.  It means contributing to a healthy relationship and future by bouncing ideas off of one another and communicating individual dreams, plans, desires, and opinions in order to merge them into the life that you two can and will make together.

4. Your confidence is an aphrodisiac.

We’ve all been there – finding ourselves totally captivated by someone who wasn’t necessarily the best looking man we’ve ever seen but our attraction meter went into overdrive anyway.  It’s usually because this type of man exudes an incredible amount of confidence without being cocky.  Women like a man who knows who he is.  Men feel exactly the same way about women.   No man wants to constantly be inundated by your insecurities.  It’s okay to express to your partner what those insecurities are.  That is part of a loving, supportive relationship.  However, talking about how fat and ugly you feel every day will likely turn anyone off, not just the man at your side.  He has chosen you.  He knows all about those things that you hate about yourself and he still chose you.  Think about that.  There’s a very good chance (like, a 100% chance) that you are being way too hard on yourself.  Try to let the negativity go and appreciate and love yourself.  He will love and appreciate you for that.

5. Don’t forget to tell him what you love about him.

When you are learning how to capture his heart keep in mind the appeal of making him feel great about himself. Unlike women, men choose partners based largely on how they feel when they’re with them. We tend to pick men who make us feel loved. Men pick women who make them love themselves more. It’s a subtle, but very important, difference. You need to make him feel great about himself. If you can accomplish this he’ll find you irresistible. It’s easy to do. Simply pick some qualities in your man that you genuinely admire and adore. Don’t lie.  You want to be with him for a reason so make sure he knows you what those reasons are, too. Compliment him, congratulate him on is accomplishments and tell him how lucky you feel to be with him. Hearing these things is much like an aphrodisiac to a man. He’ll find it intoxicating and if you’re the woman delivering it, he’ll want you more and more.

About Claire Casey

 

How to Encourage a Woman to Fall in Love with You?

Edited by Jay Blaze, Josh Hannah, Jack Herrick, Versageek and 59 others

If you genuinely love and care about a woman, and want to be sure the feelings are reciprocated, you can try to get a woman to fall in love with you using the following steps. Although these are generalizations, and personalizing your actions according to your girlfriend's or crush's tastes is always the best bet, these hints should help give you some ideas to begin winning her heart.

Part 1 of 3: Starting Off

1. Make her notice you. Do something that will make her take notice of you. Many women want a man who is strong but compassionate, who leads but listens, who is confident without being cocky. Remember this as you begin to get yourself noticed. 
2. Take your time. These things take time. Don't expect to win her heart in a matter of days. Slow but steady wins the race. Set realistic expectations so that you're not disappointed if she doesn't fall for you immediately.
   
   3.Form a game-plan. No, it doesn't need to be written down, and it doesn't need to involve little x's and o's on a whiteboard. Be strategic about what you do and you'll give yourself a better chance of winning a girl's heart. Be amateurish and you'll likely lower your chances.
   
   
3. 
   Make the effort to get to know her. Really find out who she is, what she stands for, where she's coming from. She will appreciate your interest in what makes her tick.
   • People love talking about themselves. This is just the way things are. Don't forget to engage in conversation and give her information about yourself, but get her engaged in something she likes talking about and you'll find it's a lot easier going.
     
     • One way to do this is to ask great questions. Ask about her passions ("What do you love to do?"), her inspirations ("What makes you tick?"), and her goals ("What do you want to achieve?"), for example.
4. Look your best. Whereas you may not care that much what you look like, women definitely do. It's not so much the clothes and the hygiene that's important; it's the message you send the rest of the world — that you take care of yourself, that you know your style, and that you're confident.

Part 2 of 3: Hinting At Love

1.  
   Compliment her every once in a while. Remember though, guys, that a little goes a long way when it comes to compliments. You want to compliment her just enough so that she knows you like her more than a friend, but not so much that she thinks you're desperate or fishing for compliments in return.
   • Compliment her skills and abilities first and foremost. She was born with her looks, but she worked for her smarts and her talents. Compliment her when her wonderful personality shines through.
   • If you want to compliment her looks, stay away from complimenting her more feminine areas. Instead, stick to complimenting the following items:
     
     • Eyes. Ex: "Your eyes are lovely. Do your parents also have blue eyes?"
     • Hair. Ex: "Did you get a haircut? Short hair looks so good on you."
     • Smile. Ex: "You have such an infectious smile! Every time you smile I can't help smiling myself."
     • Clothes. Ex: "That's a pretty dress; did you make it yourself?"
     • General style. Ex: "Your style is so unique. You really march to the beat of your own drum."
   • Work a few really awesome compliments into your conversation, and you'll at least have her attention:
     
     • "It's so easy talking to you. I feel like I could talk to you all day long." Women want to be interesting as well as pretty.
     • "I like the way you think." If she's not the sharpest tool in the shed (and she knows it), telling her she's smart could backfire. This compliment says basically the same thing without the baggage.
     • "It took a lot of courage for you to speak up like that." Women are very principled, and want men to notice their bravery, even if it's a different brand.
2. Gain her trust. You don't necessarily have to be her best friend, but show her why she deserves to trust you. Be there when she needs you. If she asks you to keep a secret, keep it. If you say you'll do something, follow through.
3. Get her a small gift that she would like. Give her a token of your feelings. Maybe she would like some flowers or a pretty bookmark. If you don't know what she would like, try and figure it out. Here are some meanings women might attribute to various objects--
   • Ring — Commitment. You want your bond to last as long as the ring does.
   • Hand-Drawn Portrait — Inspiration. She is your inspiration; she makes you feel creative.
   • Stuffed toy — Puppy Love. You'd love an excuse to get to cuddle with her.
   • Flowers — Beauty. You think she's pretty and you want the whole world to know.
4. 
   
   
   4.Start flirting. Find a way to gently start flirting with her. It's going to be hard at first, because you really, really like her, but it will get a lot easier as you begin to establish routines and get to know her better.
   • Break the touch barrier. Touching her gently in safe, non-threatening places is key here. Avoid touching her on the thighs, stomach, breasts, and neck. Instead, when you talk to her, occasionally:
     
     • Touch the back of her hand. You're making a point and you want to reinforce it with some physical contact.
     • Touch the top of her arm. You know her a little better and you're giving her some encouragement.
     • Touch her back. You're playfully teasing her or making her feel better.
   • Smile and maintain good eye contact. A girl can tell a lot about how interested you are just by looking at your eyes. Likewise, a smile is just as important. Smile so that you project happiness, and have good eye contact so that you project confidence.
   • Develop inside jokes or learn to playfully tease. Inside jokes are a great way to flirt and bond at the same time. They are conspiratorial, meaning that you both feel you are in on something together, and it's just you. Make an inside joke out of pretty much anything that you two experience together.
5. Be mysterious but still available. Women love guys who have a little bit of mystery tied up in their persona. It doesn't take much to develop — don't share every detail, don't brag about the things you do, get other people to like (and vouch for) you — but it's hard to do correctly. At the same time, make yourself available to her. There's nothing worse than putting in all that hard work only to leave her hanging because you can no longer be found.

Part 3 of 3: Making the Final Push

1. Meet and impress her friends. Women often want their friends to approve of their romantic interests, both as a natural vetting process and a way to show off how lucky they are. Getting the approval of her friends is therefore key. Don't skip this step! 
2. 
   Ask her on a date. Once you're ready to make the final push, you need to ask her out on a date. A date will be the perfect opportunity for you two to learn more about each other, and perhaps to even steal a kiss.
   • When you ask her, keep it casual. Just ask, "Hey, I have a couple tickets to [a movie that just came out], are you free on Friday night?" You don't have to call it a date for it to be a date. If she asks, however, be confident and tell her it's a date.
   • Do something that's exciting. An exciting date — such as a haunted house, a theme park with rollercoasters, or a sports event — helps release a powerful hormone (called oxytocin) that's responsible for feelings of bonding and togetherness.
   • If it's the right moment, go in for a kiss. If you feel like she's a little hesitant, it's best to keep the kiss for the second or third date. Keep the kiss short and sweet, and whatever you do, don't try to shove your tongue down her throat.
3. Move at her pace. If she's ready to be thrown into a whirlwind romance, then by all means, roll with it. Chances are, however, that she'll want to take the relationship slower than you will. This is mostly a test of how patient you are for her and with her.
   • Don't push her into anything she's uncomfortable with. It sounds funny to say, but you'll be a lot more successful listening to her wishes and not forcing anything.
4.  
   Recover from your mistakes. In a relationship and dating, you're going to make mistakes. It's how you recover from your mistakes that defines you, and gives the woman a chance to truly love you.
   • Don't be afraid to say sorry or admit fault. When you make a mistake, man up and say "Hey, I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said that. Don't let me get away with that next time." Contrary to popular belief, it is manly to admit being wrong, because it takes a lot of guts.
   • It's generally a good idea to let her win the argument, especially if she's really invested. Don't back down if you really believe it, and don't let her constantly push you around, but try to find a way to resolve the argument with her feeling good about it. You'll be happy you did!
5. Be the person you want to be. Ultimately, you have to show her who you are in your soul, at your very deepest, to give her the chance to love you. If you pretend to be someone else, she's only going to love a caricature of you. So don't be afraid to let down your barriers, get a little vulnerable, and show her who you really are. Chances are she'll love you for it.